Never Give A Pilot A Camera To Take Pictures Of His Cockpit...

Never Ever Give A Pilot A Camera, Here's Why...

Just before pushback from the gate, we gave the pilots a camera. A disposable one, yes that’s right the type with a film in it that has to be developed. Like this one with the CEO of the US, Obama, on it.   

I didn’t mind asking as the Captain was super cool, as was the c-pilot and both had a great sense of humour. And no it wasn’t sexy Arlo or Capitano Grant Edwards, thank god. Because the end result was… well. I will allow the el commandante to tell the story…

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"We were, as Telma said, given the camera before we started the flight and asked to take pictures. "

What a great idea!  Telma would have something to remember us by in the years to come. She is the nostalgic type after all. So we snapped away... the airport, the runway, other planes, us, more boring pictures, of us. It was my idea to go beyond the call of duty for Telma’s sake. So, I ordered the First Officer to unbuckle his seatbelt, turn around and moon.
And he did, the daft idiot.
So we had a reasonably focused, extreme close-up, of a surprisingly hair-free backside. I know because I’m still having disturbing flashbacks.

"The tone deteriorated from that point. "

When ATC passed on some heading instructions we paused. I then proceeded to shove the camera down the front of my trousers and took a snap of Jeremy Joystick. The First Officer did the same for his little Teddy Bear’s arm, which remained, thankfully, hidden from my view.
Being the competitive type, I spun around on my seat and exposed my co-aviator to his commander’s ass. (He no longer works for the airline and I’m sorry if this exposure to my ace in the hole was the root cause of his departure.)

With schoolboy grins we gave the camera back to Telma before top of descent because we were about to get busy. Busy worrying.

We’d taken pictures of our faces. Our butts were readily identifiable, they could be matched! By now the stress was reaching dangerous levels in the cockpit and we finally cracked when the co-jo blurted out, "what if she gives the camera to her mother to develop?"

It was time to focus and get this bird on the ground where we could come up with a plan.

During the turnaround, we all gravitated to the centre of the empty aircraft cabin where the entire crew took a quick breather before the next flight home.

We’d decided that the First Officer would make the move.

Telma thanked us for taking the camera.
“No problem, a great idea,” said the co-jo. “And tell you what. Give me the camera, and I'll pay for it to be developed.”
Telma looked confused.
“That way I can double up on the prints, and perhaps even blow some up,” he said. The thought terrified me.
Telma frowned. “I don’t have the camera guys, it wasn’t mine. It belonged to one of the passengers…”